Location: Cairns --> Outback (Uluru, not the Steakhouse)
Weather: 33 degrees C / 92 degrees F (and not a cloud in the sky)
We woke up this morning, went in the bathroom to attend to our morning ritual of brushing of the teeth, and Hilary noticed she left her toiletry bag open. An army of ants must have been coming down with a cold or something because they went straight for Hilary’s “Cold-eze”. She had to rinse out her whole bag! Her hair gels and soaps were swarming with the suckers.
We went to check-out and mentioned it to the woman behind the counter, hoping for a discount on the room, but she just said, “Ts. Yeah … there’s been a lot of rain lately, and it’s hard to keep the bugs under control.” So, if anyone reading this is going to Cairns, avoid the Coral Tree Inn! Ha! I showed them!
We took a plane to fly to the Outback (for a little variety in our trip). Specifically, we went to a giant rock in the middle of the dessert. This big rock, called Uluru (oo’ luh-ROO) by the local Aborigine people is 348 meters tall in a place where everything else is relatively flat!
When we got off the plane, it was surprisingly pleasant out, which was a good thing, because we had to walk on the tarmac to our gate. The air felt very dry and there was a warm breeze.
The airport shuttle brought us to our room for free! Since the entire town of Ayers Rock is owned by one resort, everyone at the airport is going to the same place.
We got to our new room, and it felt like I was back on my 7 th grade class camping trip! We had two sets of metal-framed bunk beds (which my feet hung off of) and an all-tile floor. Hilary and I had to sleep separately for our entire stay. We had a friendly HUGE bee in our trash can outside our room, and it was thrashing about.
We took our first bus tour at the Olga Mountains after putting on tons of Survivor© brand bug spray and 30 sun block. I finally had a chance to wear my outback hat (which looks like a bonnet with no flowers on it. :(
Our tour guide, Shane, was a half-hour late which cut into our tour time, but we stopped off at a lookout once we got going that made up for it. The view was great! 
You got a real sense of depth with all the layers of trees shrinking into the distance until this giant series of rocks jut out of the ground. There was much more vegetation in central Australia than I thought! There were also more black flies than I thought! They were relentless in trying to find moisture, so they collectively attacked my eyes, nose, and mouth. We all were doing the “Australian salute” which involved swatting flies away from our faces.
After the lookout, we went back in the van to get a closer view of the Olgas. Shane gave us the current theory of their existence. Basically, there used to be an inland sea in Australia, when the plates shifted upward, mountain ranges formed around the sea, but because plants weren’t invented yet, massive erosion ate away at the mountain and filled in the ocean, but all of the sediment created pressure on the lower layers, which caused them to solidify. After the plates shifted again, causing the underground rock layers to bend upwards and distort. Erosion then ate away at the softer soil on top, leaving exposed the harder rocks beneath, which was what we were looking at the top of. The hard rock extends beneath the ground for future generations to see (millions of years from now).
After our geology lesson, we walked up a trail through the Walpa gorge. It was 2.6 kilometers, which had to be like, 206 miles or something like that. I’m getting the hang of this metric system!
The scale of the mountains were hard to capture with pictures but its tallest peak is about 200 meters higher than Ayers Rock, putting it at 548 meters above the ground. Not too shabby! I tried to capture the texture of the rocks because there were missing chunks and shattered, huge pieces below.
We hurried back to the room (or camper’s cabin, if you prefer) and got ready for the sounds of silence dinner. The only thing that exists in this area was the resort itself. Without it, no one would live there, so we didn’t have to be bussed far to get to a secluded area overlooking the Olgas and Ayers Rock (Uluru).
We ate canapés (emu, kangaroo, Salmon, and pesto) and drank champagne, and watched the sun set. I had two glasses of champagne and a beer by the time we sat at our table, so needless to say, I wasn’t exactly walking straight.
Sunset picture
The view from our table
We sat with some English tourists and ended up having a great time! They were so nice and it was interesting to hear what they joked about and how they viewed world politics. It turns out that they were following our recent presidential election very closely, hoping Bush would lose. I was hoping world politics wouldn’t come up while we traveled, though. They were from Oxford and were very enjoyable dinner companions.
Before the food, there was a didgeridoo player (playing some AC/DC we found out later). She explained the instrument and told us it was not used by any Aborigines in central Australia. The dinner was great! Much better than the Tjupkai we experienced last night. Dinner included Kangaroo, Lam, Barramundi (fish), Crocodile, and Chicken. It was all good!
After dinner, when it was really dark, an astronomer introduced himself and showed us the Southern Hemisphere’s constellations, which were very bright in the Outback sky. We saw two galaxies with the naked eye! And we saw the Southern Cross for the first time. Saturn was also visible and through a telescope, you could see its rings. At one point, they asked us all for a moment of silence so we could hear how quiet the outback is! There was absolutely no sound … and then … someone farted. Everyone couldn’t remain silent after that.
We got back very late, but it was worth it. This was definitely a highlight of the trip. We have to get up early tomorrow morning for sunrise, but I’ll let you know how we make out.
Location: Green Island --> Cairns mainland
Weather: Hot & Sunny (with some foreboding clouds )
When we got up this morning, we were a little sad because we had to leave the paradise of Green Island. We got up, packed our suitcases, left them in the room (they take our luggage to the boat for us), and went to breakfast. It was the same awesome buffet as yesterday, but I noticed they had honey dripping off a honey comb!
We got on our boat and sat in the back. It was so nice there, I didn’t want to go! About 45 minutes later, we were back on the docks of Cairns. We walked from the marina to our hotel, which looked a lot closer on the map.
Apparently, when you’re lugging 2 suitcases and a backpack behind you in 90 degree heat and humidity,
that walk seemed that much further! Maybe that’s why they call it “luggage?” By the time we got to the new hotel, (The Coral Tree Inn) we were dripping with sweat. Our new room wasn’t as nice as our last one, but it was spacious. There were ants in the bathroom, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
We took a bus to the scenic Kuranda Skyrail! It goes through the local rain forests and is one of the manmade wonders of the world! There were so many picturesque views of amazing trees and canopies.
There were two stops along the way, with boardwalks around the forest. At one of the stops we saw a great view of Baron Gorge and Baron Falls! When we got to the top, we were in a town called Kuranda and we went into the local shops (very touristy) and got lunch at a place overlooking the rainforest! We passed up the opportunity to eat at “The Deli Llama” out of our sheer distaste for restaurants with puns in their title.
Instead, we continued browsing the local stores 
until we got to one that looked like a pirate ship. We walked in and the place sold mainly didgeridoos. We found out that they are hallowed out by termites, then polished and painted.
The man in the store was very informative, and then he mentioned that he played for seventeen years and he played with the London Symphony Orchestra … on didgeridoo! So he gave us a great demonstration and posed for a picture.
I felt bad about not buying anything from his store, but everything was so expensive. One didgeridoo sold for $3,000 (Australian). He even showed us his stockpile upstairs, all crafted by Aboriginal artists.
After we were satisfied with the local sampling of the Kuranda street scene, (and when it was time to catch our train), we went to the Kuranda Scenic Railway station.
It was a nice little train and it seemed very old-fashioned. We 
saw many steep drops and a waterfall on the way back down to Cairns. We met a nice Indian couple on the way (sitting next to us) and they were on their honeymoon, taking a vacation from their quarry business in Northern India. They encouraged us to visit India, but something tells me we’re not going to be traveling like this for a very long time. It was so hot and humid on the train that it was a relief to get off!
After we walked back to the room, we got ready for our evening dinner show at Tjupukai, an Aboriginal dinner/dance show.
We were bussed there with others from the hotels in Cairns, including a nice Irish family. When we got there, we went right into the first room with black light paint and florescent colors everywhere. We were introduced to a “chief” who narrated an opening statement and danced from a platform (also covered black light paint). There were lightning effects and a fog machine, too!
Then we “walked towards the light” and walked outside, banging two sticks together in rhythm. We were led to a circle where we chanted and stomped, while banging the sticks together. The Aboriginals were creating fire the old-fashioned way (by rubbing two sticks together).
Once they got a spark, they waved the ignited dry grass around in the air and it burst into flame. They lit a spear, threw it into the woods across the river and a pillar of fire erupted over behind the trees! Don’t worry; it looked like a controlled explosion.
Then they lit the walkway’s tikki torches and we followed them to the dinner buffet feast! Once we were allowed to get up to the buffet, it was a mad rush for the food! There were muscles, fish, chicken, beef, pork, soup, salads, etc. I washed all that down with a Foster’s Lager. It wasn’t my favorite so far.
After dinner, the “show” started. It was a mixture of a luau, beatnik poetry reading, and the three stooges. Everything seemed very disconnected and the dialogues were embarrassing. They would just hit each other and say, “you hit my head!” “No I didn’t.” And it went on and on like that…
This was definitely a tourist trap. The cherry on the icing was when they ended the show with “I’m proud to be [clap clap] Aborigine,” which while the sentiment was nice, the delivery was so hokey I felt embarrassed for the performers.
Onc highlight of the evening is when they called on a volunteer for the Irish family to get up and try to make fire from sticks and then dance on stage. She got a boomerang for participating, signed by the performers. Later, when we re-boarded the bus, the bus-driver gave her a hard time about being the one who brought home the boomerang!
Overall, it was fun and the food wasn’t bad. It just seemed too pricey. I mean .. they sang “The Kangaroo Blues!” with a boogie-woogie karaoke sound-track! Also, they were covered in mud and there were no female performers. Nothing makes you hungrier than watching five overweight, dirty, sweaty, men in loin cloths dancing and flinging the dirt under their feet at each other.
That night, we tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t get “Proud to be [clap] [clap] … Aborigine” out of our heads.
Location: Green Island
Weather: Hot and Sunny
We got up at 5:30 this morning to watch the sunrise. It was beautiful, but we were really tired! We walked the length of the island, occasionally getting pissed on by more cicadas.
At the end, there was a little bench where we sat down and stared at the ocean. It’s so peaceful in the morning. There’s no one on the beach (except for the one family that looked like they camped out there overnight). At around 7:00 we headed back for our buffet breakfast, which was amazing!
They had sausage, eggs benedict (with Salmon instead of taylor ham, pancakes, waffles, tropical fruit, cereal, and mango juice 
(Hilary’s favorite!). At around 9:30, we took a glass-bottom boat ride around the reef! We saw a lot of fish and coral. There were so many Japanese tourists on the boat that we couldn’t hear the pilot explaining everything. We did see clams that weighed 2 tons! Imagine how much chowder you could make with that!
After the boat dropped us back off at the dock, we wanted to see more, so we went out further with our snorkel gear. They took us out on the boat! We saw everything in a new dimension! 
We didn’t see many fish, but we did see coral that must have been 20 meters tall! (I have to use the metric system here) :) We had our picture taken by the guy who took us out on the boat, and we were able to get the digital pictures on CD-ROM! Hilary is like a snorkeling junkie now! She wanted to go to the “drop-off” but I told her that’s where the dangerous fish could be and she wanted to keep going, anyway! She’s come a long way from the last time we went snorkeling in Hawaii.
We still couldn’t get enough underwater viewing, so we went to the underwater observatory on the pier. We saw pretty much the same things as before, except there were some sea urchins and anemones.
Inside the anemones were two clown fish! (Like Nemo) It was hard to take pictures, but I did my best. The underwater observatory itself was interesting. It’s the oldest of its kind in the world. The walls are seven inches thick and the portholes are from World War II army vessels. I also kept butting my head on the low ceiling.
After climbing back up to the dock, it was time for the crocodile show at the maritime museum. We saw really big turtles! They were feeding them salad and dog food. As part of the show, everyone got to have their picture taken holding a baby crocodile, quite possibly the most evil-looking creature that is still alive. So I held it! Anything for a good photo op!
The crocodiles themselves were really freaky. They would hide in the mud under some green plants, and move around with only their eyes and nose out of the water. You could barely see them!
They really did blend in with their surroundings out of the water, too. But once feeding time started, they made themselves quite visible. Sometimes, the crocs would miss the food, and their jaws would slam shut so fast that it would make a giant 
thumping sound. The largest croc we saw was twelve feet, but the absolute largest one there (and the largest captured crocodile) was Cassius (at 18 feet!!) That’s almost two stories tall (nose to tail).
They had a few more clown fish in the museum, as well. After the show was over, a bird had flown into a croc’s cage. The croc saw it and slowly stalked its prey. We waited for 10 minutes, but the bird never made it close enough to the croc for him to make his move.
After the croc feeding frenzy, I was feeling a bit peckish myself, so I ordered a genuine Australian Super dog!After that we lounged on the beach for the rest of the day! It was a little more crowded until 4:00, when the “day-trippers” left. And even then, it wasn’t that crowded by New Jersey shore standards.
Hilary wanted to get cleaned up, so she headed back to the room, while I watched the sun dip below the water. I just sat there, read my book and listened to the ocean. It was another “ Corona” moment. Except this time, I tried aSterling light beer (Australian).
While showering, I did verify that water drains clockwise here! It looks so strange! We went to dinner (our last on the island), 
and had fairly traditional meals (fish and chicken). On the way back from dinner, we were strolling along and we heard a slight rustling, then a palm frond fell right where we were just standing five seconds earlier! I think it was the Island’s way of saying, “Get the hell out!”
We caught up with the nature walk with our guide, Erin, who was born and raised in the area. She was very energetic and could speak fluent Japanese! We went into the underwater observatory, along with about 80 other people (mostly Japanese). It got very cramped and hot very quickly, so we didn’t spend a lot of time there.
Afterwards, we all stood in a circle and made rain sounds with our hands. It was like camp! It also reminded me of “Cloudburst ” in college. [clap] MAHOOOOOOOOH!!!
Anywho, we were really tired after that, so we called it a night.
